Why I Ride

In 2003, while at the University of Dayton, I suffered the loss of a friend to suicide.  Mike and I ran in the same crowd and had some classes together.  His roommates, some who had known Mike since they were kids, were devastated.  In his last moments, he couldn’t see past his own pain to contemplate what his death would do to his friends and family.  He had no hope that he could get better.  This was an extremely painful and intensely personal experience for me on a lot of levels.

Unfortunately in 2005, I suffered another loss.  Jerry was one of the few people I considered a close friend in high school; his parents gave me my first job, working a register at their cigar shop.  After an extended two year absence from home, I returned, and decided to go down to their shop for a visit.   While having a cigar and beer at the bar I was slapped on the shoulder.  I turned to find Jerry, smiling and saying, “What!!! Where the hell have you been?” I explained that I had been in Alaska for the past two years and without a phone.  We hugged and began the long process of catching up.  I noticed that he seemed slightly down, but I didn’t mention it, something I will regret until the day I die.  We parted ways and made plans to get together, plans we never had the opportunity to fulfill.  Later the next day, he committed suicide.  

These experiences were so painful and personal because I had been where they were and was lucky enough to come out on the other side.  In 1995, as a freshman in high school I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression, caused by a chemical imbalance in my brain.   At Mike's funeral, I saw first- hand what I would have done to my family and friends. It gives me chills to this day. 

For years I went silent, never daring to speak of what I went through.  However, not long after these two losses I began to speak about my past struggles.  I found I was not alone.  I told myself that whenever I was given the opportunity, I would reach out to others using my experiences to show them that they are not alone. Whether the onset is chemical or environmental, depression is a crippling illness that claims thousands of lives each year and impacts countless others.  I was fortunate.   My parents were able to get me the help I desperately needed.  Surrounded by the love and support of my family and with the help of doctors, I was able to win my battle with depression.  Fifteen years later, I am still thankful everyday that I did not lose my struggle within. 

There is a stigma attached to depression and other mental illnesses.  While cycling across the country, I hope to spread awareness for treatment options and resources, and reduce the stigma of mental illness.  Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.  Recovery is possible.  All money raised will go to support SAVE Suicide Awareness Voices of Education, a national suicide prevention and advocacy group.