Final Thoughts

Well it has been awhile, two weeks since I finished. (If I had a nickel for every time I started a blog with “it has been awhile” I could have paid for the trip)  I have been resting, and reflecting, but I guess its time to write the finish line blog.  Honestly, I have been trying to digest it all, and no, I can’t believe it.  It just doesn’t seem real.  As my Dad and I were riding through the Key’s it actually wasn’t until I hit mile marker 74 the day before I finished, that I realized, I was actually going to make it.  As we sat at a waterside restaurant with only 54 miles left, I tried to wrap my head around the fact that I had spent the last few months grinding it out and now I was about two and a half hours from the finish.  I couldn’t believe it and now that I am done, I still can’t believe it. 

Part of the reason I have been delaying this blog is that I honestly don’t know what to say.  How do you summarize what we just did, the experiences and memories, that will stay with us for a lifetime.  I think the answer to that is, you don’t. 

When I initially had the idea to ride from the farthest point North in the country to the farthest point South, I had been riding a bike for about 3 weeks… SERIOUSLY!

The vast majority of people said that there was no way I could do it.  In reality, I had serious doubts myself.  But I believed in myself, something that is often much easier said than done.  How boring would it be if everything in life was set in stone, and all outcomes were predetermined?  There were so many unknowns, so many things that would be outside the realm of my control, that could ultimately determine my success or my failure, that I had no idea if I would make it or not.  There was however, one absolute, I knew that I had to try. 

So much so that Azure and I gave up our financial security and risked our financial future on a maybe.  Not that our financial future is more secure because we met our goal, but at least we feel like we were able to help some people along the way. 

Originally, I thought I would just ride a bike a really long way and raise tons of money and that would be it.  However, it became so much more than that and more meaningful than any amount of money could ever be. 

I knew two things for sure about this trip.  I knew that there would be the “unexpecteds” on this journey and to be honest I knew that I was staring a challenge in the face that I was vastly unprepared for.  The biggest thing I was unprepared for however, was meeting all of the loved ones left behind.

This became extremely apparent to me right out of the gates.  On our second day after leaving Virginia we headed to Cleveland to attend a fundraiser that a close friend had put together.  Rory had recently lost his best friend to suicide, so he along with a few other guys decided to throw a fundraiser for SAVE to kick start the MHANTS ride.  At the event I was speaking with a woman who Rory had introduced me to earlier in the evening.  (I made it a point to try and meet everyone there and thank them for coming)

We had a lengthy conversation about my personal story, the ride, and other things I won’t go into.  What followed next is something that will stick with me the rest of my life.  As she was leaving she gave me a hug.  Not the way strangers, or even close friends hug, but the type of hug I have only received from one other person in my life, my mother. 

She hugged me like a son, and spoke these words into my ear, “Think of my Mikey, I will pray for you and your wife everyday, and you will both arrive in Key West safely.”  She turned and walked away before I could pick my jaw up off the floor.  Until that moment I didn’t know who she was, not that it would have changed the conversation we had, but it did explain the sadness I saw in her eyes.  It was the look of a mother who will never know why, and will never stop missing her son!  It was that moment that I realized this ride was going to be about so much more than riding a bike a long way and raising money for a great charity. 

This encounter (for lack of a better word) would actually be crucial to my ultimate success.  In the beginning the thought of Mrs. O’Malley kept me going, on the Dalton Highway I truly felt helpless, the elements, the bugs, the mud, cold, and mountains, punished me! I have never actually experienced so much physical pain in my entire life!  I doubted myself, I didn’t think that physically I was capable of doing the ride.  There were times that I didn’t think I could even get back on the bike much less ride up and over the endless mountains that laid at my feet.  But I thought of all the people that I would let down, I thought of my friends who have gone before me regardless of the cause.  And I though of Mrs. O’Malley and her son Mike, and I made myself get back on the bike.  I told myself that by doing this ride maybe just maybe I could prevent one family, one mother, from going through what Mrs. O’Malley was dealing with.  As I wrestled with the constant self doubt that a challenge such as this can present, I thought of these people and I got back on, again and again.

Sadly we would meet so many other people along the way that had direct and profound experiences with mental illness and suicide.  All of these people kept me going. 

As a novice cyclist (if that) I completed a ride that would challenge most anyone.  The only reason I was successful was because of the people that were constantly in my thoughts and prayers and because of my wife.  I am undeserving of a woman such as Azure, somehow I got lucky.  I still don’t know what she sees in me.  If it weren’t for her I wouldn’t have even gotten out of the van in Prudhoe Bay.  Seriously, she had to kick me out of the van at the start.  So much doubt had already crept into my head after driving the route and seeing what I had to ride, I was scared to even start.  But she more so than myself, believed in me. 

I thought of trying to summarize the ride but after over two weeks of deliberation, I can’t.  The overwhelming reoccurring thought is that of the people.  At the end of the day I just hope that I made a difference.  Really isn’t that all that any of us strive for?

If on my death bed I can say that I made a difference for one person, I will be satisfied. 

I have so many people to thank I cannot possible remember or thank all of you.

Most importantly, I have to thank my wife.

Azure you truly are my everything! For believing in me when I didn’t believe in myself and pushing me to be better than I am. Thank You!

To my parents who encouraged me to follow my heart, and when funds ran out half way through the trip were there with a loan so that we could complete this journey, we will pay you back eventually ;)

Thank You!

To the rest of my family who chipped in and bought me a brand new cyclocross bike (which I rode from Prudhoe Bay to Seattle) and were there with encouragement every step of the way.

Thank You!

To Dan Reidenberg and the SAVE organization for your support and all the work you do for the cause.
Thank You!

And to everyone who supported us, took us in, paid for repairs, fed us, encouraged us, shared your stories with us, and helped us along the way.  You all have restored my faith in the human race.  Sometimes all we see in the media is the bad in the world, you have reminded us that, that isn’t true. Thank You!

Believe in others, try to make a difference and you will. It starts with you!

Until next time love yourself, love your friends, trust your instincts and live each day like its your last.  Live for yourself, live for your fellow man, learn from your past, and work to achieve a better tomorrow, for all of us.

And always remember when it seems like there is no way you can make it to the to of the mountain that lies before you. JUST KEEP PEDALING!

Comments

[Ben Clarke]

EP & Azure,

Congratulations on finishing the ride - you both did it! And i'm so happy that you were made it all the way without serious injury or burns. I'm also glad you were not eaten by a grizzly bear.

Azure - enjoy not living out of a van at least until EP comes up with some other great pursuit.

EP - now get that knee fixed and let's hit the slopes!!

[Jill Garman]

EP, we are so proud of you! We can't believe you did it! But out of all of our friends, you would be the one to pull it off. We enjoyed reading your blog, seeing all your awesome pictures, and cheering you on all the way. You are amazing, and we are so proud to call you our friend! Congrats on making it to the finish line!!!!!!

[Kristy Glave]

Patrick, Have you thought about writing a book? I would be the first to buy it. It is something worth thinking about. You could help even more people. Thank you for all you and Azure have done, you have been an inspiraiton to me. I loved reading about your adventure and about those wonderful people you have met along the way. I also have loved the beautiful photos and hope you would put plenty of them in your book as well. May God Bless you and Azure as you acclimate back into the work a day world and its challenges. love, mom glave ps I hope mom Cutter is recovering well from her surgery.